Where I live the Coles sign always seems to be freshly painted. I’ve decided that they paint over it regularly to reinforce their fresh food values. Because if their paint is fresh, their food must be too. It's symbolic and subliminal and it's winning them customers everyday, I'm sure of it. Here's how I figure it came to be:


"We're always verbalizing our tendency toward fresh food, but I don't think we're showing it all that much."

"Our tendency?"

"It's after hours, I can be real with you. We have many strong tendencies here at Coles."


"I think we need a bit more visual stimulous for our customers. Take our sign, for instance. What colour is it, do you reckon?"


"It's brown, right?"

"Ah... yeah."

"It was bright red when the store opened. It was practically glowing in the dark. Twenty years later and it looks like a twenty-year-old sign. How do we make look new every day? We give it a fresh coat every day. Now what is the point of painting it every day?"

"I don't know, what?"

"Fresh paint alludes to our fresh food values. That's the puzzle we've been trying to solve since the beginning of this conversation."

"Sorry, of course. Fresh paint, fresh food."

"And so, I'm assigning you to the honorable task of painting the sign after every close."

"But, I'm a cashier."

"Cashiers don't use their hands? Come on, I'll pay you overtime."

"That should go without saying, but thanks."

"Let's shake on it. And here, you can start now."

"But wait! What about all the toxic emissions that paint will release into the air on a daily basis?"

"Today's meeting was about fresh food values, not about toxic admissions."


"Yeah, what did I say? Alright, catch you tomorrow."


Alternatively, the fumes might have helped me come up with that theory.