I was on the toilet holding my phone. Turned it on and pushed through pages of apps on the home screen, back and forth. My thumb sat next to the facebook app. It had been there hours since I last entered the Facebook and I was going for six just so people will think I live an interesting life not on facebook. I contemplated the pros and cons of taking another hit at 10:30 in the morning. I gently pushed the blue square and saw it rise into full screen. I had second thoughts, but before I could do anything about it, it was already loading. There was no messages or notifications but I’m here now, I thought, so I may as well have a geeze. I scrolled down, naturally. There were some really happy people. Most were smiling or doing something slightly out of the ordinary, interesting enough for an online audience. I tried liking a few photos to show that I can be sincere too but it felt incredibly fake, deep down. I couldn’t help thinking: they are all pricks and I’m above them because I am only in the audience. But what if I’m the prick for refusing to be apart of the whole experience. I mean, what if they were the ones living genuine happy lives and I’m just the guy sitting on the toilet even though there was nothing left to shit and the asshole was ready to be wiped but I’m just a really skilled online peeping tom. The whole thought made me push back to the home screen, hold down that little blue box until it danced, and click and click and click until the little blue box was no more. I was breathing heavily between those four close walls. Then phone off, then wipe, then wipe again, then a new day.